If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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