Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
