dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
