Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
