is wine microwaveable?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
