I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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