Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
