babies were throwing up all over the place
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
