If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
