New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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