help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
