Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
