why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
