oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she smelled like a LAN party
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
