This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
