how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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