Betty ford says i'm here all night
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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