Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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