i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
