Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
