I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
