Pappa wants mamma naked
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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