weddingsv make me drug and hornr
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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