Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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