I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Everything about him screamed your future.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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