she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
