I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
