yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need moral support for this bender
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
