I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
