I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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