For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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