How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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