just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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