I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
