don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She even gives head with a lisp.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
