Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
