The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
