apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
