One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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