Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
