Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
