I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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