Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
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You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
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IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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