Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
