think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
