I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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