I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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