I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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