I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
