i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
