oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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