I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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