hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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