Porn is love you can see.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
