she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
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How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
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Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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