I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
