Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
