I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
