in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
