so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
