He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
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Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
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It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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