Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
