I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
