This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
