I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
