As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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